Dobara mat puchhna! | 10 Questions that piss me off

No matter who you are a sportsperson, a movie star, a politician, or like me, a common man, or maybe unlike me, a common woman, time and again you are subjected to uncomfortable, objectionable, irritating, blood-boiling, preposterous, and repetitive questions. Repetitive, not once nor twice, you are made to answer the same question to one hundred people one hundred fifty times (because 50% forget and ask again). Sometimes I am irritated so much so that I feel like writing the answer on an A4 sheet and sticking it to my back. Don't try it because some people will still ask you, "Why have you stuck a sheet on your back?", "The sheet is getting torn, why did you not use a cardboard base?" So here it goes...
Funny reply to a student who asks his answer to a question after exam

10. What was your answer to this question number 9 part A?
Gentleman. Our respected mathematics lecturer is a post graduate, a gold medalist and a PhD aspirant. She is paid forty eight grand per month for evaluating those freaking answer sheets. Let her do her freaking job. I am a happy guy. Don't you make me realize how many questions I attempted wrongly, else I'll fuse in a negative sign inside that your root two. Wait, what? Turn you from irrational to imaginary. Now get the hell outta here.

9. Oh you're a punjabi, balle balle, where is your turban?
You speak such fine English, how's everything back there in England? Are you crazy?

Before partition, the country comprised of several provinces like Sindh, Punjab, Bahawalpur etc. Each of these provinces had its own language like sindhi, punjabi, bahawalpuri etc. If you rewind the tape a little more, people didn't use to travel far and wide as they do today. So someone living in Punjab was more likely to speak Punjabi and hence he was called a Punjabi. This holds true for other provinces mentioned above as well. People of several religions lived in Punjab, Islam, Sikhism and Hindu. Now, you know why Wasim Akram has a Punjabi accent.

8. Do you get paid for your blog?
Then why do you blog?
Do you get paid for speaking?

7. You're a Punjabi! How come you be a vegetarian?
You know I wasn't born, I was actually grown in a sugar cane field. So like a panda, I used to eat only canes and hence became a vegetarian. Although I am seriously considering cannibalism. 

Okay, I seriously want to make this clear. You don't have to tick "non-vegetarian" in your birth certificate, if you are born in a Punjabi family. You are entitled to your choice. My ancestors exemplify this and in fact make an absolute mockery of inheritance. 

Great great grand father - non-vegetarian
Great grand father - vegetarian
Grand father - non-vegetarian
Father - vegetarian
I - vegetarian

6. How many girlfriends do you have? ( Aur kitni bandi pata li)
Do you have a calculator? 
I am waiting for the census report. 
Don't know man. I lost the count after double digits.

Hello! What kind of a question is this? Are you asking about girlfriend, or bhature? How many? Better rephrase it.

5. Do you have a girlfriend?
Uennnn! Uennnn! How come you be single? Arre! Ask the girls. All I specified in characteristics of desirable partner was Sex: Female. 

4. Why this bandage?
I am a mummy! Bhooooo!

3. What is your pay pack?
First thing I learned even before I entered the corporate, was that word money is taboo. But it is (one of) the most important thing. It needs guile and wisdom to be used, else it makes you sound like a desperado. I was at my brother's pre-convocation party, organised by an institution as reputed as an IIM, in fact an IIM. Just like me and mother, family members of all the students had come. My brother introduced me to a man, father of his friend. He was standing with his wife, graduating son, and young daughter. I greeted them all. He asked, "what do you do?". I said, "I'll graduate by mid-year and will go to work to Bangalore thereafter". "Okay, what's your package?", he asked. "18 lac", I answered. He was dumbfound because the two words that I had uttered seemed like defeating his son's graduation, six years of work experience and two years of PGDM in one of the most reputed institutions of the country by a good 5-6 lac margin. His face had shrunk a watermelon to a strawberry. I admired it for a while before completing my sentence which brought him back to his usual senses. 

I don't mind telling my salary to anyone, if only asked after asking my well being. Forget about guile, etiquette comes first. 

2. Why don't you put a picture?
Because I look ugly 

1. When will you give me my pictures?
Look lady! I am photographer and it is my bloody choice to click you or not to click you. You troubled me throughout the party screaming like a cry baby "click me click me". I yielded and I clicked. Now you pay the price for your nosiness, you ain't getting your pictures ever!

I hope you got something to learn and unlearn, most importantly something not to ask ever again!

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